Listen to Whipping Post

I didn’t go good on my last test. I’m going to listen to “Whipping Post.”

I can’t meet anyone and I’m lonely all the time. I’m going to listen to “Whipping Post.”

I can’t find a job. The market’s dried up. I’m going to listen to “Whipping Post.”

I’m working in a warehouse with no air conditioning. I’m going to listen to “Whipping Post.”

The place I just moved into has cockroaches, my roommates are assholes and I’m fairly certain my next door neighbor is a drug dealer. I’m going to listen to “Whipping Post.”

In love with a boy who doesn’t love me. I’m going to listen to “Whipping Post.”

Boy, getting mugged hurts. I’m going to listen to “Whipping Post.”

Fuck this town, misery upon misery. I’m going to listen to “Whipping Post.”

My best friend would rather get high with some girl than see me on my last night in town. I’m going to listen to “Whipping Post.”

It turns out that moving to a new city with only one friend is hard. Especially when that friend is too busy to see you. Loneliness. I’m going to listen to “Whipping Post.”

Gotta pay next month’s rent and the parental loan ends next month. I’m going to listen to “Whipping Post.”

Working third shift in a factory for a week. I don’t see the sun. I’m going to listen to “Whipping Post.”

I spent four hours cataloging dildos in a porno warehouse and all my freelance work was declined. I’m going to listen to “Whipping Post.”

Back in school and at 27 I already feel too old to be here. I’m going to listen to “Whipping Post.”

Still alone. I’m going to listen to “Whipping Post.”

Turns out journalism degrees don’t help all that much. I’m going to listen to “Whipping Post.”

Full-time work I hate. I’m going to listen to “Whipping Post.”

Still alone. I’m going to listen to “Whipping Post.”

No writing gigs. I’m going to listen to “Whipping Post.”

Roommate is getting married, moving out, starting his family. I’m happy for him. I’m going to die alone. I’m going to listen to “Whipping Post.”

Fuck it. I moved once before, I’ll do it again. Let’s sell everything. Quit everything. Time to go to Japan. Let’s introduce a new series of stressful situations to my life. I’m going to listen to “Whipping Post.”

It turns out that upending your entire life and everything around it isn’t easy on the psyche. Nervous breakdown. I’m going to listen to “Whipping Post.”

Ever get so worried that you give yourself constipation that requires hospitalization? I’m going to listen to “Whipping Post.”

Immigration paperwork. I’m going to listen to “Whipping Post.”

Starting over in a new job I’m drastically under-qualified for in a country where I literally know no one. I’m going to listen to “Whipping Post.”

Alcohol. Dancing. Alcohol. What was his name? Who cares. I’m going to listen to “Whipping Post.”

This is the greatest year of my life but I’m still alone. I’m going to listen to “Whipping Post.”

At this rate I’ll run out of men. I’m going to listen to “Whipping Post.”

Let’s drink. Let’s walk for six hours in one day because if I go home I’ll just hate everything. I’m going to listen to “Whipping Post.”

Hey Japan, stop calling me fat. I’m going to listen to “Whipping Post.”

Unrequited love so bad my heart cries. I’m going to listen to “Whipping Post.”

Love requited. But the ramifications… I’m going to listen to “Whipping Post.”

I’m in love. He loves me. I love my job. Everything is wonderful. But I can’t convince myself that it is. I’m going to listen to “Whipping Post.”

The world is on fire. I’m going to listen to “Whipping Post.”

They elected him. They really did it. I’m going to leave work. I’m going to buy a bottle of whiskey. I’m going to drink it. Then I’m going to drink more. And more. And no one is going to stop me. I’m going to listen to “Whipping Post.”

I want it all to be okay again. I’m going to listen to “Whipping Post.”

It’s not going to be okay again, is it? I’m going to listen to “Whipping Post.”

I think my life is good. My life is great. But sometimes life can be misery, pain, and suffering. Thank you Gregg Allman.

Sometimes you made feeling like shit feel real good.

I’m going to listen to “Whipping Post.”