MTV’s Top 100 of 1985, a look back (Part 5)

Now at the halfway point of the Top 100, we come to what might be its most drastically fragmented section yet. Synthpop, 80s rock, 70s leftovers, bubblegum pop, bar rock, all that and more. It’s really a testament to just how many sounds were fighting for dominance at the time, with synthpop beginning to fall from cultural relevance, hair metal not yet finding its audience, and Michael Jackson taking the year off, it seemed that anyone and everyone could score a hit, genre be damned. While not all of the tracks here have aged well (or were even all that great at the time) they certainly get points for diversity, another reason why 1985 was so great for music.

 

59. Howard Jones – “Things Can Only Get Better”

I’ve always gotten the feeling that Howard Jones was an also-ran of the synthpop scene. Not as artistic and acclaimed as Depeche Mode, not as sleek or popular as Duran Duran, not as bubblegum or stupid as an act like Kajagoogoo. He had some good tunes, scored his fair share of hits, but he just really didn’t have much of an image aside from that haircut, which, let’s be real, isn’t even the worst or craziest cut on this list.

I think that Howard might’ve had more staying power in the popular conscious if his videos were better. I mean, look at this thing. It’s a hodgepodge of boring live footage, some skits involving a Chaplin impersonator, and a bizarre Asian stereotype doing a kung fu routine? What’s even going on.

This is a good Howard Jones song, but his real classic is “What Is Love?” so check that out.

 

58. Tina Turner – “We Don’t Need Another Hero”

Another one of my earliest “favorite” artists. I was all about Tina as a Solid Gold obsessed grade school kid. And I was also all about Mad Max. My dad, pitiful censor that he was, let my brother and I watch the first two Mad Max films when I was barely out of pre-school, so I actually saw Beyond Thunderdome soon after it came out. Tina kicks ass in that flick. If I was a drag queen I would want a chain mail dress. This video is half clip show, but the clips are dope and we still get plenty of Tina in that awesome dress, so it’s still a great video.

This is another absolute 100% classic on this list. In a weaker year it might be my number one pick, but it’s a testament to the incredible amount of amazing pop hits in 1985 that this probably wouldn’t even make my personal top ten. It does beat out the other Tina Turner song on this list (you know what it is) which we’ll get to later.

 

57. Pat Benatar – “Invincible”

1985 proved to be a swan song of sorts for a lot of early MTV stars. The Cars, Foreigner even David Bowie, they were all there for the start of MTV, but by 1985 they started to see their video stars dim. And you can add Pat Benatar to that list too. She was literally there at the start of MTV, “You Better Run” was the second video that the network ever aired, but by 1985 her career was running out of steam. This was her last major hit on the pop charts, and I imagine it was the last time that she had a single on the year end top 100. Unlike a lot of those other acts though, at least she went out with a classic. Great tune. And damn she’s rocking a good look in this video, even if it looks a bit like albino with too much concubine make-up on her face. I blame Patty Smyth.

Also worth noting that this is another soundtrack hit, this one from The Legend of Billie Jean. The 80s were so good for soundtracks that you could have hit single off of an album for a movie that not a single person saw. Yes, I know that movie has a cult following now, but trust me, no one saw it until it showed up on HBO years later.

 

56. Prince & The Revolution – “Raspberry Beret”

After destroying the pop world with Purple Rain (the greatest album of the 80s), Prince took a low-key approach to promoting the followup, Around The World In A Day. He didn’t release any singles until the album came out, and only this one got a proper video. (The video for “America” is 12-minute live jam that was destined not to chart.)

But damn, what a single. Prince goes “non-commercial” with a more experimental, psychedelic tune and he still manages to craft an instant pop classic. And the vaguely-retro, blue screen heavy music serves as a perfect accompaniment to the track, with the trippy animated sequences serving as a great icing on top.

I wish I could pull off wearing a suit made of clouds.

 

55. Supertramp – “Cannonball”

Hold up, wait a minute, pull the list over, we need to talk about this.

What the fuck are Supertramp doing here? I knew that there were quite a few holdovers from the 70s on this list, but I didn’t think that Supertramp would be one of them!

For the record, I am not anti-Supertramp. I quite like Supertramp. I own multiple copies of Crime Of The Century on vinyl and CD. Supertramp are a good band, they get a bad rap and it’s not fair.

But what the fuck are they doing here? This is after founder and singer Paul Hodgson left the group, leaving vocal duties to Rick Davies. And while Rick is a perfectly fine singer, there’s zero personality behind his voice, and there’s zero personality behind this track. And this was a hit! A mainstream pop hit! It was a top ten single on Billboard! It’s their highest charting single in America! How? I’ve never heard this song before? Have you?

How did this ever happen? And why the hell is there a caveman in this video? What is with the xylophone breakdown?

I have so many questions. But Supertramp wouldn’t be around to answer them. This was their last hit.

 

54: Madonna – “Material Girl”

Robert Wuhl!

I wanted to be the first person to lead a write-up about Madonna by mentioning Robert Wuhl, who stars as the sycophant assistant in the beginning of the video. I like Robert Wuhl.

Also, I really got nothing to say about this one because how the hell could I? Madonna’s defining song (whether she likes it or not) with a defining video to match. Not a day has gone by since it was released as a single that I haven’t absolutely adored this song. While it has that “80s” sound, it still sounds different in a way that’s hard to describe. The song is 90% synths (that “guitar” solo is a synthesizer), but the synths don’t overpower it. And there are just enough “real” instruments to give the song a more organic, more timeless quality, than a lot of other synth-heavy tracks on this countdown. The drums bang in a way that a drum machine or drum pads never could, and the live bass by Bernard Edwards of Chic helps give the song a damn good groove as well.

I mean, just compare this to “Like a Virgin” it’s so much more a song than that, which is almost all that annoying synthesizer sound and bored guitar strum. This is more fleshed out, full of life, and with much better lyrics to boot. Everyone, of course, took Madonna on face value when she sang it, but this song is dripping with cynicism and irony. She sounds shallow but the only ones shallow here were the people who sold her short.

 

53. John Cafferty & Beaver Brown Band – “Tough All Over”

Note: The official video for this song is not on YouTube. My efforts to upload the official video to YouTube were immediately met with an automatic copyright notice. This bootleg-ass video is apparently okay though. YouTube is stupid.

You want to show someone an example of the bad, horribly dated synth sound? Press play on this track and wait one second.

That’s the overbearing, gross, faux-strings sound that screams EIGHTIES WHAT’S UP but in none of the good ways. No one apes that sound. My go to music genre of choice right now is retro synthwave. That shit eats, sleeps, and shits every 80s stereotype imaginable but even the artists in that genre steer clear of that sound. It’s just bad. This would be a better song if that sound was stripped out of it and replaced with nothing. It would make it breathe more. It would certainly make the sax solo have a bit more oomph.

When I first saw this video on the list I had completely forgotten who John Cafferty & The Beaver Brown Band was. It took a trip to the internet to be reminded that they were the real life band for Eddie & The Cruisers, their single “On The Darkside” scored on the pop charts despite the movie landing with a resounding thud at the box office (it’s a bad movie don’t see it). Another 80s soundtrack hit from a move that bombed.

I saw a retrospective on 80s one hit wonders once on VH1 eons ago and they actually interviewed John Cafferty. I remember him saying that he still, to that day, wondered if he made the right call by giving his songs to that movie. He thought the movie robbed their band of their identity, and that it sabotaged their chances of getting any other hits, as they would forever be thought of as “a movie band.” That’s a hell of a doubt to live with.

At the end of the day though, I don’t know if Cafferty and company would’ve scored any hits without the help of that movie. Let’s be honest, they’re a poor man’s Bruce Springsteen on a good day, and 1985 already had at least two poor man’s Springsteens with Bryan Adams and John Mellencamp, both at their absolute creative peaks.

At least his song on the Rocky IV soundtrack kicks ass. Man, I feel like I’ve said that a lot on this list.

 

52. Phillip Bailey & Phil Collins – “Easy Lover”

I love the fact that Phil Collins was such a big star in the mid-80s that people used him as a ringer to help guarantee a hit. Phil Collins was the Kanye West of 1985.

Phillip Bailey was the other lead singer of Earth, Wind, and Fire. This was his only mainstream hit as a solo artist. It was a hit because of Phil Collins, let’s be real. Collins was so big at this point that he could’ve carried anything to the pop charts (he certainly has worse songs on this list), but thankfully he lent his talents to this track, another instant classic that’s stood the test of time all these years later.

I love the video for this. It’s a making of for itself. That’s meta. Or lazy. Your pick.

Phil Collins will appear again on this list. And again. And again. And again.

 

51. Bryan Adams – “Heaven”

I know that 2020 Bryan Adams is canceled but I’m not talking about him, I’m talking about 1985 Bryan Adams, who is a Canadian god cut forth from denim. To think that “Heaven,” another classic from 1985 that you still hear on the radio today, is his lowest charting single on this countdown is really mind-boggling. Sure, it’s saccharine to hell and back, it’s corny, it’s stupid. I love it. When the legalize gay marriage in Japan, my boyfriend and I will be dancing to this one at our wedding, mark my words.

For some reason this song has two videos. For the countdown they went for the “Bryan Adams sings to a roomful of giant TVs” version. It’s a good version, but I prefer the other, where a woman dumps her drunk driving boyfriend only to stumble into a Bryan Adams concert and fall madly in love with the hottest canuck of 1985. Good for her. You go honey.

 

50. Julian Lennon – “Too Late For Goodbyes”

 

It’s amazing that Julian wasn’t able to chart more pop hits, but at the same time it completely makes sense that he wasn’t able to chart more hits. The poor bastard was doomed from the start, launching a pop career just a few years after his dad’s horrible demise, with his dad’s voice, his dad’s face, and Paul McCartney’s taste in music.

I’m certain that thousands of people rushed and bought this album hoping for John Lennon 2.0 and traded it back in when they got what sounded like B-grade Wings. But again, nothing would’ve been good enough. He could’ve written the song that Bill & Ted use to save the world and it wouldn’t have been able to hit the expectations that were no doubt placed upon him.