MTV’s Top 100 of 1985, a look back (Part 6)

We’ve crossed the halfway point in the countdown. From this point on, nearly all the names are recognizable and the songs still remembered to this day (with a couple very notable exceptions). One-hit wonders and flashes in the pan still make their appearances, but only with massive hits that chart among the biggest of the decade. We’ve moved past semi-hits like “Obsession” by Animotion. We’re in the big leagues now. The stars are megastars, the failures are megafailures, the great songs are fantastic, and the bad songs are absolutely horrible.

 

49. Bruce Springsteen – “I’m On Fire”

No one else could’ve gotten away with this shit in 1985; a slow burn, minimal ballad under three minutes long as a hit single. Furthermore, nobody else could’ve gotten John Sayles to direct a “longform” video for it, that has the audacity to add a minute long introduction, increasing the video’s length to a whopping three and a half minutes.

“I’m On Fire” is the shortest song on the countdown, and it almost doesn’t even feel like a song. As a first grader who loved “Dancing in the Dark” and “Born in the USA,” I definitely didn’t like “I’m On Fire” the first time I saw the video. Of course, I didn’t get what was going on in the video, and the song wasn’t “fun” like “Dancing in the Dark” or rousing like “Born in the USA” was. I vividly remember turning to my mom after the video was over and saying “that’s it?!”

Thirty-five years later I appreciate both the video and the song for “I’m on Fire” as the subtle masterpieces that they are. Bruce has frequently said that he’s a big fan of the 70s new wave band Suicide, and this is one of the only times that appreciation has shined through in his music (even more so than in his cover of a Suicide song). It sounds like Suicide, with a minimal pop sheen just lightly glossed upon it – barren and dark, with ethereal keyboards serving as the backdrop.

Kudos for Bruce for being able to sneak something so left of center on MTV. This is the most avant-garde he got in the decade for sure. He’d follow this up with another hit single, that we’ll see in a bit.

It’s not as subtle.

 

48. Duran Duran – “A View To A Kill” 

After having both Not Duran Durans (Arcadia and The Power Station) make their appearances on the countdown, here we are finally with Duran Duran proper. As good as this song is, I feel that its a pale shadow of both Arcadia’s “Election Day” and The Power Station’s “Some Like It Hot.” But such was the power of Duran Duran, separately they could chart hits, but when they combined their powers ala Voltron, they were unstoppable, even if the song was just meh (and from a terrible movie).

At least that was true in 1985. Outside of “Notorious,” the second half of the 80s didn’t prove to be as kind to Duran Duran as the first half. This is the beginning of the swan song for the first part of their career

A View To A Kill is a stupid movie, by the way. This video is better than the movie. And this video is STUPID. The “Bon, Simon Le Bon” joke at the end makes me die a little inside every time I see it.

 

47. Loverboy – “Lovin’ Every Minute Of It”

So here’s the plot of this video: A fat Canadian (you know he’s Canadian, don’t @ me) is in a hotel hearing a terrible hotel bar band butchering “Working For A Weekend.” He then calls Loverboy to alert them of the situation. They’re also in the hotel, partying their asses off, “loving every minute of it” if you will. The singer answers the phone, then goes from room to room to recruit the rest of the band to go down, scare the hotel band off the stage, and perform in their steed.

Along the way we see their guitar player spray paint his guitar, someone else in the band compete in a game of strip poker, and the band’s keyboardist play a white piano while he’s surrounded by candles, like he’s in a fucking Styx video or some shit, until the singer and his groupies MAGICALLY TELEPORT in the room (complete with a double thumbs up) and recruit him for the rockfrest in the hotel bar.

It’s all terrible, but I do, in fact, love every minute of it. There’s an earnestness here that we wouldn’t even get two years later. Loverboy came into this video thinking they were the hottest shit in the world, and own it all the way.

In two years, no one would care about Loverboy ever again, but I like to think that they still feel about themselves today like they did in this video 35 years ago, cooler than the coolest motherfuckers you know. In denim.

Canada.

 

46. David Bowie-Mick Jagger – “Dancing In The Street”

According to Wikipedia, both this song and the video for it were completed in just 13 hours. That claim is unverified, but even that sounds like a liberal estimate. If you told me they did both in six hours, I’d buy it. Both the song and the video are the epitome of hastiness, something cobbled together at the last minute for a charity release. Even their wardrobes seem last minute. They both look like they stole mistailored clothing that was intended for people 20 pounds bigger and one foot taller than the both of them.

Look, this song is cute, and it was for Live Aid so the intentions are good. But it’s a bad, bad cover with a bad, bad video. Watching it now, the only thing to get out of it is the hilarious unintentional(?) homoerotic glaring between the two of them, and that one point where Mick stops dancing to grab a swig of coke, showing the level of effort he was putting into this one.

 

45. Thompson Twins – “Lay Your Hands On Me”

Earlier in the countdown I discussed Howard Jones, and how he’s kind of been forgotten in the grand pantheon of UK synthpop acts because he wasn’t good enough, artistic enough, or silly enough to be memorable for most people.

The Thompson Twins aren’t as forgotten as Jones, but I feel that’s only because of “Hold Me Now,” the best John Hughes soundtrack song that isn’t actually in a John Hughes movie – you could’ve swore it was, couldn’t you?

“Hold Me Now” is vintage 80s cheese that has somehow stuck around and holds up remarkably well, “Lay Your Hands On Me” has not. Thompson Twins trying to sound big and epic just comes off as sad and strained.

FANTASTIC wardrobe though.

 

44. Phil Collins and Marylin Martin – “Separate Lives”

Phil Collins has five songs on this list. If I ask you to name all of them right now, you probably could – except for this one.

Do you remember this song? I sure as hell don’t. I honestly don’t think I ever heard it before. But it was a hit single, behold the power of 1985 Phil Collins, he could will anything into a hit, even this piece of blah that’s so dull that your local Top 40 Adult Contemporary station probably wouldn’t play it today. Goddamn holy shit this song is boring. Is this secretly a Peter Cetera solo track? Was Amy Grant supposed to record this? How did this even happen?

This song was on the soundtrack to White Nights, just like the equally banal “Say You, Say Me.” It was also nominated for an Oscar, losing to “Say You, Say Me.” Between the two, that was the right call, the only time that “Say You, Say Me” was the better choice. I’ve never listened to the soundtrack to White Nights but judging from these two singles I have to gather that it’s literally the worst soundtrack in the history of the world.

Phil ain’t done yet. He’ll be back very soon. As for Marylin Martin, no. Not at all. Never. Sorry Marylin.

 

43. Bruce Springsteen – “Glory Days”

Here’s a song about looking back at your younger days with rose-tinted glasses with the melancholy thoughts of what could’ve been. And here I am, writing about it in a series of blog posts that do the exact same thing.

Damn, Bruce. You got me.

A classic.

 

42. Paul Young – “Every Time You Go Away”

There’s a famously bad song on this countdown. We’re not there yet. You’ll know it when you see it. A lot of people call it the worst song of the 80s. Many people call it the worst popular song of all time.

Those people forgot about “Every time You Go Away,” a whiny peace of shit that has made me hate Paul Young with an unending passion and fire that will never be extinguished. When he sings “every time you go away, you take a piece of me,” I wish it was literal. And that the person in question would just keep leaving and leaving until Paul is nothing more than a bloody stump of flesh.

Yeah, that’s a gruesome thought, I know, but have you heard this piece of shit recently? Damn it’s a piece of shit. You know how bad an adult contemporary ballad has to be for it to be taken off their playlists? A hit AC song gets put in rotation forever, but you don’t even hear this song on those stations anymore. Stations that still play shit like “In The House of Stone and Light” and “Walking in Memphis” cut themselves loose of this one. That’s how bad it is.

Paul Young somehow had another hit, a terrible cover of “My Girl,” and then he vanished from the public eye. Good riddance.

Seriously. Fuck this song.

 

41. Wham! – “Everything She Wants”

The second of three Wham! tracks. Shockingly placed far higher on the list than “Freedom,” a track that’s had better staying power in the long term. But those are the things you can never judge at the time. “Everything She Wants” is a catchy tune for sure, that funky synth goes a hell of a long way. And while the video for “Freedom” is great because it features that footage of the band performing in China, this video has plenty of close-ups of George Michael’s sexy sexy face, and I have to imagine that went a long way with the MTV audience back in the day. I certainly don’t mind looking at this video a few dozen times, that’s for sure.

That hair is just stunning. So jealous.

 

40. a-ha – “Take On Me”

“Take On Me” might be number 40 on this list, but if you made a list of the most popular songs from 1985 now, it would be number one and second place would be a distant number two. “Take On Me” has over one billion views on YouTube. Nothing else on this list even comes close. It’s not a contest.

This is a song that has only grown in acclaim and popularity in the decades since it was released. It’s been covered, meme’d, and referenced countless times over to death. It’s become shorthand for “good 80s shit.” If your lazy and want to immediately telegraph to your audience that something is supposed to evoke an 80s vibe, you use this song.

When “Take On Me” first hit MTV, it became a hit because of the video, a video that would probably make most people’s list for the greatest video of all time. There’s even a multi-part series on YouTube documenting the making of the video. I remember the first time I saw this video. It blew my damn mind.

The technology behind the “Take On Me” video isn’t that revolutionary in terms of tech. It’s just rotoscoping. But it’s rotoscoping done amazing well, much better than Ralph Bashki could ever dream of. And it works as a perfect accompaniment to the song itself. “Take On Me” is a love song that’s bigger than life, and only an appropriately fantastic video could properly convey the impossibly romantic and lovestruck tone of the song. A clip of two people dancing or having a nice, normal date wouldn’t cut it. This is a love song so powerful that it needed a video of two people literally bending the will of reality so they can be together.