MTV’s Top 100 of 1985, a look back (Part 9)
Okay so…what had happened was…
I totally had intentions of finishing this feature in a timely matter. I actually wrote 95% of it before I even published the first part, just to give myself enough of a head start. But the “I’ll write something funny to distract myself from the hell of 2020” mood I was in when I started this slowly morphed into a far less productive “everything is shit and I just wanna die” mood, and it’s really hard to write quips about “Sussudio’ when you’re in that headspace.
But I vowed to get this done by the year end and dammit that’s going to happen! So buckle up for the first half of the Top 20! We were already into the serious shit on the countdown, but things get real here. Save for one forgotten track by an artist whose already had one other forgotten track on this countdown, everything here is a straight-up classic. Even the bad songs. We’re in the timeless section now. Right now, at the very second you’re reading this, every song on this countdown is being played on the radio somewhere.
No matter how hard we want to get away from “Sussudio,” we just can’t I’m sorry.
19. Tom Petty-Heartbreakers – “Don’t Come Around Here”
This video scared the shit out of five-year-old. No joke. I didn’t get that it was an Alice in Wonderland reference. To me, it was the video where the creepy dude in a weird hat turns a girl into a cake and freakin’ eats her. As a very young child I had a fear of being eaten after first hearing the term “man-eating snake” and this video played right into that.
As an adult whose irrational fears have shifted away from being devoured, I understand just what a masterpiece both the song and the video are. No video looked like this in 1985, and very few songs sounded like it. It’s such a strange psyched-out nightmare from a band that was famous for its simple, heartland rock. An electric mandolin (played by Dave Stewart of The Eurythmics)? Sure why not. Tom Petty, both with and without the Heartbreakers would have plenty of hits and great songs throughout the rest of the 80s, 90s, and into the 2000s, but this one would remain his weirdest, no contest there. I don’t know if it would count as his weirdest video, however. Remember the one with the nuclear bombs and go go dancers? Or the time he danced with a corpse? Tom Petty was a weird dude.
I still hate writing about Tom Petty in the past tense. I miss Tom Petty so much. I think the only artist’s passing that hit me more than his was David Bowie’s. He was such an intrinsic part of my childhood and the formation of my musical tastes that it is literally impossible for me to discuss him in anyway that resembles objectivity. To me, the man never did no wrong, every single he ever put out was a classic, every album he released a must-buy.
18. Heart – “Never”
Pat Benetar’s “Love is a Battlefield” begat Scandal’s “Warrior” begat the entirety of Heart’s 1985 self-titled album. “Never” is basically just “Warrior” with better guitar solos and worse make-up (but better costumes).
This is a simple performance video, but everyone looks so damn 80s great that I don’t mind. However, watching Heart’s “Behind The Music” in the late-90s/early-00s completely ruined all their 80s videos for me, as Ann Wilson explained in that special that the directors always shot her in extreme close-up and/or in baggy clothes to hide the fact that she wasn’t skinny enough for MTV. Once you learn that, you just can’t unsee it. The jarring cuts between the full body shots of Nancy and the neck-up shots of Ann turn super-obvious and jarring. It’s fucked up. It’s even more fucked up when you see photos of Ann from the time and realize that she wasn’t fat at all, she just wasn’t MTV skinny. The patriarchy is a real asshole sometimes.
17. Glenn Frey – “You belong To The City”
A former Eagle had a pop hit with a song that was written for the soundtrack to Miami Vice that features an absolutely stellar sax solo. I feel that sentence pretty well encapsulates 1985.
Glenn Frey’s mid-80s solo output is better than it had any right to be. Hell, his contributions to Miami Vice are better than they had any right to be. This isn’t even the best Glenn Frey song on that album – “Smuggler’s Blues” is even better – but this song still hits hard. That fantastic 80s sax shows up again, and it just totally dominates the song. It’s almost like a duet between Frey and the sax, it takes over so much. I bet Fear hates this song.
Very strange video though. The shoehorned Miami Vice clips in the video are just so forced. We know this is for the soundtrack to Miami Vice guys, slow it down. Also, the clips chosen from Miami Vice are weird, why does it seem that Don Johnson is felating his cigarette in at least two of them?
As for the narrative of the video, what exactly is happening with Glen and his 80s turquoise lady? And why does it make Glenn angrily throw his cigarette in the river after leaving a one night stand with her? Only he, her, and the saxophone player, who is apparently stalking them, know for sure.
16. Simple Minds – “Alive And Kicking”
This was the follow-up single to that other Simple Minds song (which we’ll get to) but it’s so much better than that. The build is great, as is the back and forth between the singer and backup vocalist Robin Clark. And the endless “la la la las” of their other song don’t hold a candle to the random nonsense they chant out at the end of this one.
And as performance videos go, it’s a gooder. They learned the key to making any performance clip look better – play in front of a fucking cliff. That shit always works.
15. Phil Collins – “Sussudio”
People say that this song sounds like “1999” and that’s just not true. Because if it was, more people would like this song.
How big was Phil Collins in 1985? He was so big that he had two hit singles that were admittedly about nothing. Just like “Billy Don’t Lose That Number,” Phil improvised most of the lyrics to this one too. Unlike, “Billy Don’t Lose that Number,” “Sussudio” has not aged particularly well. It has about 18 too many synthesizer sounds going on at once (at least four, to be exact). The wonky wanky synth bass is exceptionally grating. And while I’m on record as being a fan of excessive 80s horns, maybe he didn’t need an entire horn section, complete with a horn solo? This is like that terrible Pete Townshend song from earlier in the countdown, but more catchy. That just makes it worse though, because it gets in your head and stays there. At least that Townshend track has the common courtesy to scurry out with its tail between its legs after it takes a heaping dump in your ears.
We will still see more of Phil Collins. Right now, in fact!
14. Phil Collins – “One More Night”
“The Piano Man” divided by “In The Air Tonight.”
Phil was a goofy goof from gooftown for most of the 80s, but he could tone it down a notch and deliver an honest song when the need arose. This is a tremendous ballad. An honest ode to pathetic desperation that is all too relatable. Between “In Too Deep,” “Against All Odds” and and the entirety of Face Value, Phil was really good at those.
The video is a sad sepia tone sadfest, but it’s a good. It’s even better when you watch it immediately after the video for “Sussudio.” Both were filmed in the same bar. Phil’s wearing the same suit! But while “Sussudio” is a performance video where happy Phil and his happy band are rocking out to a happy audience of happy 80s people, this is a solo performance, alone, after the club closes. In my head-cannon, the happy dopey Phil Collins of “Sussudio” is really just putting on a sham. The smile is a facade. He may be bopping away a feel-good song of nonsense, but in his heart, he’s hurting. Maybe that’s why “Sussudio” is literally nonsense! Phil was so sad that he couldn’t make a happy song with any meaning, so his happy songs had to be complete gibberish.
Damn Phil Collins is deep, yo. Oh and the sax solo in this is ON POINT.
Finally, we will not see more of Phil Collins in this countdown. He’s done. But he sure as hell went out on top.
13. Eurythmics – “Would I Lie To You?”
The opening of this video is just hilarious. Annie Lennox is dating the less hot, biker version of the dude from the ‘Til Tuesday video, who also wants her to give up her singing career so he can spend more time with her. Dude, fuck you she’s Annie Lennox. She’s lucky she just doesn’t kill you right then and there. Take your crappy leather jacket and t-shirt and go back to the the leather bar from Cruisin‘. Punk ass.
The most iconic image of Annie Lennox is of course the video for “Sweet Dreams,” cold and perfectly androgynous. But for most of the Eurthymics videography, Annie was neither of those things. She vamped it up. She was sexy and glam. She was diva as fuck. You know how some creepy straight guys will say they’re gay for Bono? I’m straight for Annie Lennox. And Debbie Harry. And Terri Nunn from Berlin. I think that’s it. I can’t have four, then I have to trade in my gay card for a bisexual card and I already got all these rainbow flags.
This was the first single from the band’s fourth album, where they bravely cast aside their predominately synthesizer-fueled sound for one much more organic and soulful. Perfect timing too. Imagine this song with the production of “Sussudio.” We dodged a bullet there. This song has an energy and intensity that would not have gotten with digital synthesizer presets.
12. Mick Jagger – “Just Another Night”
Rae Dawn Chong was born on February 28, 1961, the daughter of Maxine Sneed and comedian Tommy Chong. She began her acting career in the late 70s, and had her first major role in 1981, with the film Quest For Fire. After that, she starred in a string of high-profile films, including Beat Street, Commando, Soul Man, The Color Purple, and The Principal. Her career has waned since the early 90s, but you still see her around. She was recently in a few episodes of the TV series 9-1-1, and is slated to appear in the independent film The Sleeping Negro.
And in 1985 she starred as Mick Jagger’s love interest in his video for “Just Another Night” a terrible song that no on remembers, and for good reason. This isn’t as bad as “Lucky In Love” but I’ve had oral surgeries less painful than “Lucky In Love” so that’s faint praise. Still, the less said about this travesty the better.
Rae Dawn Chong was cool. Check out The Principal that movie is dope as fuck.
11. Tears For Fears – “Shout”
Three kids in my first grade class used to walk around the playground singing “FART. FART. LET IT ALL OUT!” over and over again everyday. So I guess this song really did permeate the culture.
Of the three Tears For Fears songs on this countdown, this one is my least favorite, although I still enjoy it. I think it’s just a bit too simplistic, and definitely too repetitive, when compared to their other works. This track is almost all chorus. It’s the “I Got My Mind Set On You” of Tears For Fears tracks. And while many other Tears For Fears songs feature abstract lyrics and cover complex subjects, this one is just “hey, sometimes it feels good to yell.” It’s one step removed from “It’s Alright To Cry.” And what are the things he can do without? Are they the same things that Meatloaf won’t do for love?
(And yes, I know what that Meat Loaf song is about.)
The second video of the top 20 to go with the “let’s sing like we mean it, let’s sing on cliffs!” approach. Still a fan.
Back soon, I PROMISE with more, including a special surprise. Also, a quick editorial note. Comments are broken. I know comments are broken. I’m trying to get the comments unbroken. But I have no idea why comments are broken. So, it might take some time. If you want to reach me, Twitter is a better place to do that anyhow.
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