My Weirdest Record: Score Yourself…Sexual I.Q. Test
In the late-60s and early-70s there was a brief fad of sex manuals. No doubt born out of the attention from sex researchers like Masters and Johnson, these books were made with the mass market in mind, designed as educational materials for couples looking for advice on how to get down and dirty. The Joy of Sex and Everything You Ever Wanted To Know About Sex* (But Were Afraid To Ask) are the all-stars of the genre to this day I think.
Sex records were also a thing around this time, although to a much lesser extent. I occasionally see these record stores. They often that feature dirty stories, “documentary” style interviews about sex, or just straight-up recordings of people doing it. Due to the fact that many of these records were mail-order only (and illegal) when they first came out, they’re pretty hard to find these days.
This LP, however, is the only one I’ve ever seen that combines both the sex record and the instructional sex book into one handy combo. Score Yourself…The Sexual I.Q. Test is exactly what it sounds like, an interactive test designed to gauge the listener’s carnal knowledge.
It’s really stupid.
The cover of the LP pretty much lays it out bare (no pun intended). “An authentic test recommended for group participation as well as for the individual” that will test your sexual I.Q. in four different categories: Your Sexual Attitudes; Your Sexual Technique; Lovemaking, Intercourse, the Orgasm and You; and Oral Sex, Erotica and Fantasy. Buried beneath the big dirty text is a note that the record is apparently based on a sex manual of the same name. Not just that, but it’s allegedly a national best seller.
I can hardly find any proof that this book actually exists outside of a copyright notice and a very brief write-up on the record itself from an old Billboard Magazine. I would not be surprised if it never saw the light of day, or if it did and just quickly tanked.
That’s a little surprising. Because I can imagine a book like that being at least vaguely popular in the 1970s. However, I cannot possibly begin to fathom while an LP of the same book would be any sort of success at all. Is this a record you slide into your LP shelves right next to your Pink Floyd or Curtis Mayfield albums? Do you listen to it at home, alone (with the lights off) or is it one you save for parties?
The creators of this record must’ve though the latter. Right on the front it says “recommended for group participation” and it came with multiple questionnaires (that could be easily copied). Imagine that party:
“Hey Dick, Jane, thanks for coming down! I’ll take your coats. Go ahead and get yourself a drink. We’re going to have some fondue and then take a test to judge our sexual I.Qs! It’ll be a blast. Want some cocaine?”
The album is nothing more than a man and woman reading questions about sex. The same questions are included on the sleeve itself. So again, why the hell did they even bother with a record? Maybe to facilitate the ideal group nature of the test taking? The questions are true/false or yes/no. Sadly there’s no essay section.
I assume the original version came with a fair number of questionnaires. Mine only has three left, one of which has the first two questions filled out. In case you’re wondering. This person does not consider sex as important as anything in their life. However, they do engage in everything they want to do in their sex life, without reservation. So, sex isn’t all that important to them, but when they go at it, they go hard.
More curious to me are the random words that are circled in the album sleeve. To mentions of masturbation, as well as the phrases “better than foreplay,” “I consider myself an expert” and “I like to” are all circled in pencil. Who knows.
The test itself isn’t that bad. It’s not very judgmental when it comes to kink, and it suggests that there’s nothing wrong with being gay or bisexual. Although it doesn’t go as far as to make any reference to any explicit homosexual or lesbian acts in any of the questions. I guess broaching the subject of docking would bring down the potluck dinner.
The question of “who the hell thought this was a good idea?” crossed my mind a lot when looking at this. Sadly, I can’t find out all that much. The album was released by GM Productions, but it appears to be their only release. The GM refers to David Gordon and Arnold Maxin. The former is a pretty common name, so I could search the internet all day and not find a lick of information him. However, I think the Arnold Maxin behind this record is the same Arnold Maxin who served as the president of MGM records throughout the 60s. How he went from producing “Purple People Eater” to putting out a record about sex is a question that begs answering.
Anyways, if you’re interested, you can take the test yourself! Click here to download a high-quality scan of the questionnaire, and then right-click the links below to download each section from the album.
Part 1 – Your Sexual Attitudes
Part 2 – Your Sexual Technique
Part 3 – Lovemaking, Intercourse, The Orgasm and You
Part 4 – Oral Sex, Erotica and Fantasy
I also put the whole thing on YouTube if you want to go that route. Take the test alone, or like the album suggests, try it with friends (that you are very close with).
I took it, but I’m not telling you my score. My mom reads this.